Thursday, October 9, 2014

detachment

it's really quiet.  i just ate dinner.  my email does not work. this irritates me.

i am going to move.  i am determined to leave this placid little city of perfect facades + well-manicured lawns.  i think i have grown so comfortable i can't even feel surges of excitement anymore.  i can't write, i can't sleep, i can hardly eat + if i do eat, i eat crap food.

oh, it really sucks to be deceived.  i think it's the hardest thing to do, go through your days feeling a hole in your fucking chest that will never close up.  you just cover it up with smiles + cheap conversation, hoping no one asks for anything.

even if you do the right things, it doesn't mean the pain goes away. and seriously, what is the right thing anyways?  i mean, i think the right thing is to move away from the source of pain.  but if the pain is from within, how does one deal?

attachment is going to be the death of me.  so will detachment.  detachment will kill my soul.