i felt myself come out of the slumber. this rain was serious, it wanted to be noticed. so i awoke. i stayed under my covers, in the darkness, listening.
so much has happened in the last month. i saw places i have never been, walked streets i have only read about + met someone whom i had only previously known as a "pen pal." have you ever allowed yourself to get so excited about something only to be let down? well, i really let myself get excited about everything i was to experience in europe, i mean everything. + it was more. everything was more. the sights, the sounds, the tastes. + finally, to meet the one with whom i have only written with for the last 5 months ... more. sitting there on our last evening together, feeling a dread rising up out of nowhere. then in the midst of conversation, my tears. oh goodness, please no. don't cry now. but i couldn't stop. the momentum of the evening, having to say goodbye. one traveling back to the states, the other, flying back into the future ... once again, separate by different timezones + an ocean. the embraces, the touching of hands, the looks that speak more than words ... the closeness. the heartbreak of knowing what cannot be. to commit to memory someone's features + dips + crinkles with your eyes for as long as you can ... as all things tend to fade with time.
that was the last time i let myself get really excited about something.
