Okay, back to my original thought ... twists and turns of life. I took the kids to the park today. It's gorgeous out and I'm laughing, chatting with friends. I haven't felt this good for a while, as despondency and apathy have become daily companions. I also made a huge arrangement from 4 dozen pink tulips, roasted a chicken, and went shopping for a console. I mean, it really couldn't have been a better "average" weekday.
But then, out of left field, a thought sneaks up and puts me in the worst mood. I couldn't put a finger on it initially. Why was I suddenly struck by a wave of grief? I will do my best to be succinct. Even as it comes to me now, it's difficult putting into text, but here goes. The feeling is pressure, the pressure of making sure everyone is okay, because I'm not okay if someone I care for is hurt. The hurt is not physical, but emotional. Oh, and I can't do anything about it. I also am partly responsible for the hurt; but again, I can't make them feel better or change their minds.
I'll continue this later....
