i am practicing aloneness. i don't even know what that means other than i am not going out. with anyone. except for a few family members, pup + kitten. i don't like it at all. it gets lonely. but so easily remedied with saying "yes" to this or to that. i have put this off way to long + i don't think it will get any easier.
there is always so much noise, you know. things + people wanting your attention. you wanting their attention. or maybe you want his attention. to feel special or valued. attachments. to actually be alone for an extended time feels desperate. so desperate. to spend time with yourself. time just quiet + not flooding the mind with music or visuals or people.
please let this get easier. please let me not need to be in the company of another. please let me enjoy my own company, doing regular things. being normal. staying in it. not chasing, ever ever ever. so mortifyingly hard.
