Saturday, October 5, 2013

last month

i felt myself come out of the slumber.  this rain was serious, it wanted to be noticed.  so i awoke.  i stayed under my covers, in the darkness, listening.

so much has happened in the last month.  i saw places i have never been, walked streets i have only read about + met someone whom i had only previously known as a "pen pal."  have you ever allowed yourself to get so excited about something only to be let down? well, i really let myself get excited about everything i was to experience in europe, i mean everything.  + it was more.  everything was more.  the sights, the sounds, the tastes.  + finally, to meet the one with whom i have only written with for the last 5 months ... more.  sitting there on our last evening together, feeling a dread rising up out of nowhere.  then in the midst of conversation, my tears.  oh goodness, please no.  don't cry now.  but i couldn't stop.  the momentum of the evening, having to say goodbye.  one traveling back to the states, the other, flying back into the future ... once again, separate by different timezones + an ocean.  the embraces, the touching of hands, the looks that speak more than words ... the closeness.  the heartbreak of knowing what cannot be.  to commit to memory someone's features + dips + crinkles with your eyes for as long as you can ... as all things tend to fade with time.

that was the last time i let myself get really excited about something.